Ghost of You
by thunderings
Summary: On the day of his Wedding to Ramandu’s daughter, Caspian thinks back to the first woman he ever loved.-Suspian-


**Title: **Ghost of You

**Summary: **On the day of his Wedding to Ramandu's daughter, Caspian thinks back to the first woman he ever loved. [Suspian]

**A/N: Hello everyone. I bring you my second attempt at a Narnia themed story; 'Ghost of You.' Inspiration came from **_**My Chemical Romance's **_**song****'Ghost of You.'****Inspiration also came when I found myself wondering if perhaps Caspian thought about Susan when he married Ramandu's daughter. So, this is indeed Suspian story. **

**Please keep in mind that this is a songfic and my very first attempt at one. The original song was edited here and there. Also, because my order of 'Dawn Treader' was delayed, so I haven't gotten a chance to read the actual novel. Therefore, I am simply unaware of details on the wedding. However, I won't dwell on those aspects here. ****And before someone makes a fuss over it; Narnia time is different from our world's time, so a week after the events of PC, could've been years in Narnia time. **

**Criticism on grammar and helpful tips are always appreciated. If you did not like this story, than simply don't review. It's that simple. **

* * *

__

_I never, said I'd lie and wait forever._

_I can't always just forget her._

_If I did we'd be together now._

Today, everyone in Narnia is celebrating my Wedding Day. People line the streets, eagerly hoping and wishing to catch a glimpse of me and my beautiful new Bride. Children wait outside of the Castle, singing songs and wandering what this new era of leadership will bring. The surrounding countries have all sent precious gifts and their blessings; while secretly they all are planning to take over Narnia. Indeed, everybody is waiting anxiously for the moment we'll say '_I do.' _For this one single day, all woe filled dreams and thoughts are cast aside for just a little while. If its one thing Narnia loves, it's a good celebration.

Everyone that is, except me.

_At the end of the world,  
__Or the last thing I see.  
__You are never coming home,  
__Never coming home._

Here I am sitting on the edge of my bed, thinking about a woman that I should've forgotten a long time ago. She belongs to a different world; one I will never have a place in. It's been years since Aslan told Peter and Susan Pevensie they could no longer dwell under the sunlight that Narnia offered. The time had come for them to brave the wonders of their own world, and no longer trouble themselves with this mystical place.

It took me awhile to get over her; considering she was the first woman I had ever had a longing for. Certainly, there had been other women before her. Princess's from far of countries who wished for my hand, or passing ladies that caught my gaze. Still, Susan was the first girl that resonated feelings far deeper than lust in me. The first time I ever glanced into her azure eyes was like a lightning bolt shocking me. Her eyes seemed to penetrate my very soul, and it wasn't long before I wished to catch her gaze once more.

Later on I learned she wasn't like the Damsel's I had long known all my life. Susan held her own; fighting back at enemies, and wasn't afraid to enter the battle field. She fought for what she believed in, even if her vision sometimes deterred from her siblings and others. There was something irresistible about her that ignited a blazing fire inside of me.

_Ever get the feeling that you're never all alone.  
__I remember now at the top of my lungs in my arms,  
__She dies._

The day after Susan and her siblings left was very difficult for me. Her piercing sapphire eyes plagued my once peaceful dreams; and visions of terrible feats befalling her caused me to often awake, crying out her name. Some of the servants had even run into my bedchamber, finding a crazed King drenched in sweat yelling he was sorry that _'I couldn't save you.' _

When the doctors and physicians asked me to recite my dreams for them, I'd list in detail horrific things that happened to a Queen of Old. In many I couldn't save her from the White Witch, who in the end froze Susan in an unbreakable block of ice. Others were about my long deceased Uncle Miraz somehow killing her on the battle field. The doctors would look nervously at each other, before giving me a tonic that would supposedly banish the ghastly dreams.

When I awoke the next morning after dreaming Susan died from a strange disease; I stopped sleeping and began drinking lots of Wine. The drink would sooth my suffering for awhile, giving me just enough time to carry out plans needed for the kingdom. Some grew very worried about me, and even my closet friend's threatened to take away my store of Wine. Sadly I had grown somewhat dependent on it, as it brought relief in the night.

One year after she had left, I awoke from sleeping, finding I hadn't dreamed of her at all. Perhaps everyone around me had been right; my heart simply needed time to heal. Suddenly, I treated life with a renewed enthusiasm I had never had. Even boring political meetings couldn't bring down my joyous bliss. My old life before Susan had been unexpectedly (but happily) returned. I banished all Wine and the like from the castle, and slept good until I rose in the morning. Balls and Banquets were held in my honor, also welcoming the transformation that came over me.

However, when Edmund and Lucy Pevensie returned with a new member of their family; my nightmares returned. Seeing them again brought back memories that I had locked away of Susan to the forefront of my mind. While outwardly I appeared happy to see my old friends once more, inwardly I cursed their reappearance.

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me.  
__For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me if I fall down._

Still, it was the Pevensie siblings that brought me to my fiancé. Perhaps I saw Susan in her, or maybe she diverted my attentions from the long gone ghost who haunted me. Her mind was pure; unknowing of the scars etched deeply into my heart. Soon we were engaged, which now brings me to this precise moment. Maybe I wasn't marrying someone I truly loved, and maybe that spot would be forever filled with feelings for someone other than my new wife.

I suddenly thought about Susan; having never allowed myself to think about her directly. What was she doing presently? Had she forgotten all about me, while I had never forgotten her? Susan was a beauty, so she probably had countless suitors lined up at the door. I chuckled lightly as I imagined Peter, glowering and sizing each man up.

Bells began to chime outside; bringing me out of my reverie, and signaling that the Wedding was drawing near. Groaning loudly, I began to massage my temples; perhaps as a method of trying to rid Susan from my head. Why after more than a year, hadn't I been able to move on? Even if I did sign away my rights as an unmarried man, would my new wife sense that lone pieces of my heart did not belong to her?

"Your majesty, the Wedding is about to begin!" An attendant from outside the bedchamber called.

"I-I'll be right out," I swiftly answered back.

After nearly two years, it finally came down to this moment. I could easily call off the Wedding, and save a woman from a loveless marriage. Of course, that could cause my people to loose trust in me, and could lead to chaos. Or, maybe I might give in and marry; acting the role as a dutiful husband and future father. Acting unfortunately, had never been something I was particularly good at.

Closing my eyes, I pictured perhaps what life would have been like, if Susan hadn't left. We would've married, and had many heirs to the throne. In the end, we'd both die old together, having spent the years with our believed first love. It would've made a wonderful fairy tale; perhaps even being passed down through the ages. Who wouldn't want to spend their life with their first love?

"Your majesty! The Wedding is starting!" The attendant cried worriedly.

Ultimately, I chose the latter option; which would make everyone happy. Only I would be the lone sufferer of the decision. Perhaps that was what came with being a King; having all the material desires I could possibly want, but never having heartfelt happiness. Even with supreme power, one could never be truly happy. Here I realized that even in the blissful realm of Narnia, not everything ended up happily. It wasn't like those childish fairy tales came true in real life. Many people would sacrifice and suffer, and in the end would've get the things they wanted. That was life; you had to face it sooner or later.

Putting on my shining gold crown, I painfully forced myself to replay every memory I had of Susan in my head. From meeting her in the forest for the first time, saving her life from a band of soldiers, watching her nearly plummet to her death, and finally kiss me with tenderness before leaving forever. They were all beautiful memories that would always stay with me, and of course haunt me. Opening my bedchamber door, I walked towards the ceremonial hall. Susan wasn't ever coming back, and it was time to begin a new era of my life.

_At the end of the world,  
__Or the last thing I see.  
__You are never coming home,  
__Never coming home.  
__And all the things that you never ever told me,  
__And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.  
_

-

**A/N: I'm satisfied with this oneshot; as it took me many hours to write. Capturing Caspian's personality was hard, and I did it best to my abilities. Anyway, if you haven't listened to the song, please do so. It's really emotional and beautiful. **

**Review, as it makes me very happy. ****I'll give you a chocolate chip cookie if you do! **


End file.
